Well, well, well… The hits just keep coming for “The Godfather” don’t they? A couple weeks ago, I vaguely mentioned Herman in one of my blogs and I made a reference to sexual harassment. At that point, I did not have enough information on the issue to comment intelligibly as to if Herman sexually harassed the women that came forward; I still don’t. Hey, my burden of proof is high (probably from watching too much Law & Order). One of my friends thought that I was being dismissive about sexual harassment as a whole and I promise you (and her) that I was not doing that. As I said, my burden of proof is high and my definition of “proof” may not be the same as your definition.

Nooowwwwww… aside from allegations against Herman Cain (or Herman Munster) of inappropriate sexual advances, we now have allegations of a full blown affair. It’s like those late night infomercials, “But, wait there’s more!” Again, I still say alleged because we are a litigious society and nothing has been “proven” yet. As the old saying goes, though “where there’s smoke…” I think I am starting to see a few flames. Now, I am not into gossip. I only watch certain tv shows and none of them are “reality tv.” I also do my best to not “cast stones” as I am not in the position to judge anyone. I was planning this long, funny blog, full of satire… Then, I decided against it. I want to focus this blog on one topic: sexual harassment.

Let’s talk about sexual harassment. What is it? Do we all agree on what it is or not? Well, the legal definition of sexual harassment, according to Equal Rights Advocates is: “unwelcome verbal, visual, or physical conduct of a sexual nature that is severe or pervasive and affects working conditions or creates a hostile work environment.” That seems straightforward enough, right? So, why all the confusion about it? I mean, is it possible that some “harmless” comments in the mind of the commenter get “blown out of proportion” in the mind of the commentee? What about when language is “acceptable” for one person to say to “one person” but “that person” gets slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit for saying that same thing to another person? What if a person is perceived to be “thick skinned” but is actually quite sensitive? Is there a “gray area” in sexual harassment? What if an allegation is made public, but the person who allegedly sexually harassed had no idea that he had “sexually harassed?” Questions, questions, questions…

Let me just say for the record that I KNOW that sexual harassment is real and that it happens. I feel I have to make this statement, just in case someone misinterprets what I just typed out above. And, that leads me to my next point: if you feel as if someone is making “unwelcome verbal, visual or physical advances” toward you, wouldn’t it be fair to bring it to that person first just in case there was a misunderstanding? What if the language “that person” uses has been acceptable to him or her and no one has ever “checked them” on it (language)? Maybe they really see nothing wrong with their verbal, visual or physical conduct. Perhaps they need to be educated. “Hey, buddy maybe that language is acceptable to your group of friends but I don’t like it. Please, don’t use that with me.” Or something like that. Perhaps their values are different from your values. Perhaps… you get my point.

There should be a standard of common decency amongst us, but alas there is not. We are quite a diverse group of people! Moralistic values to some could be conformity mumbo jumbo to another. Sad, but true. So, being an educational speaker, I always look to educate first. I try to find some common ground and come to an understanding when possible. Now, if the person still is being a jerk, doesn’t respect your point of view and continues with unwelcome verbal, visual or physical advances toward you, even after you have told them you feel it to be unwelcome, then here are some suggestions of what you can do, according to equalrights.org:

Say “No” Clearly: Tell the person that his/her behavior offends you. Firmly refuse all invitations.If the harassment doesn’t end promptly, write a letter asking the harasser to stop and keep a copy.

Write Down What Happened: As soon as you experience the sexual harassment, start writing it down.Write down dates, places, times, and possible witnesses to what happened. If possible, ask your co-workers to write down what they saw or heard, especially if the same thing is happening to them.

Report the Harassment: Tell your supervisor, your human resources department or some other department or person within your organization who has the power to stop the harassment. If possible, tell them in writing. Keep a copy of any written complaint you make to your employer. Even if your harasser was your supervisor, you may need to show that you reported the harassment to your employer or give a good reason why you didn’t.

Start a Paper Trail: Report the sexual harassment to your employer in writing.Describe the problem and how you want it fixed. Keep copies of everything you send and receive from your employer.

Review your Personnel File: It is your right to see, request and receive copies of everything in your file that you have signed.

Use the Grievance Procedure at Work: Look in your employee manual/personnel policies and/or speak to a human resources officer. It is important to follow your employer’s procedures.

Involve your Union: If you belong to a union, you may want to file a formal sexual harassment complaint through the union and try to get a shop steward or other union official to help you work through the grievance process.

File a Discrimination Complaint with a Government Agency, (if necessary): You must first file a formal sexual harassment complaint with the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and/or your state’s fair employment agency If you are a federal employee, follow federal guidelines on how to lodge a sexual harassment complaint. You can obtain these guidelines from the Federal Labor Relations Authority.

File a lawsuit, (if necessary): After you file a formal complaint with the EEOC or your state’s fair employment agency, you can also consider filing a lawsuit.You can sue for money damages, to get your job back, and you can also ask the court to make your employer change its practices to prevent future sexual harassment from occurring.

To all those men and women out there that have had to endure sexual harassment, my most humble apologies to you. It can be a cruel, vile thing that can wreak emotional havoc on you. I truly wish that we can live in a world where people respected the rights and freedoms of others and we learned to treat others how they would like to be treated. We would all be better off for it if we learned to think of others instead of just solely of ourselves. If you are being sexually harassed and have not come forward about it, I hope the above tips on what to do help you. Be blessed everyone!

Life can be a roller coaster, with VERY deep drops. One day, you feel like you are on top of the world. Everything is going your way. You have a smile on your face. “This is finally it! I’m going to be ok! I’m going to make it!” And then…the floor drops out from under you. You lose your balance with no floor beneath you and you fall. I mean, you fall hard, harder than the last time you fell. You know you should get back up, you did the last time. Since the last time, you have been reading and studying and praying. You were preparing yourself, just in case this happened again, the fall. Lo and behold, it’s here again. And, this time it REALLY hurt. You don’t know if you can get up from this one. This was a bad fall. You lay there a while trying to sort out what happened. “How did I fall?” “I was so sure that ‘this’ was it.” “I am just destined to fail. I will never make it. I might as well stay down.”

And, now you don’t want to get up. You don’t want to go to school. You don’t want to go to work. You don’t want to leave the house. Heck, you don’t even want to leave the bed. Yes, I have been there too. You don’t feel like doing anything. Why try? I mean it’s going to end up badly anyway right? Epic Fail, right? You don’t feel like partying either but you throw the biggest Pity Party you’ve ever had. But nobody shows up to this party and if they do, they never bring any presents (Zig Ziglar told me that one).

Depression is no joke. You start watching late night tv and you see all the ads on about it and a pill to “cure it.” But, the pill has more side effects than cures so now you’re even more depressed because you feel helpless. This mood is lingering. It’s not going away. You are no longer able to concentrate. You want to lay in bed, but you can’t sleep. And, bad thoughts…thoughts of you no longer being “here” because you think you may want to end it all creep into your mind. What now?

First, let me say that I know most believe the medication route is the way to go; I will not begrudge you this choice. But, there have been some really amazing studies done on depression. The more you focus on “what’s wrong” the less likely you are to get over it. When you are depressed, you are always focused on ‘what’s wrong” instead of “what can be done to fix what’s wrong?” Something happened. You didn’t like the result. What caused the result you didn’t like? Have you kept getting the same depressing results over and over again? Why? What factor did you play in it? If you were presented with the same situation in the future, what could you do differently that could produce a different outcome?

Whenever I start to get a little “off course” I do a few things. I remind myself of where I’m going. Because, where I’m going makes me happy. I think about where I’m going and a smile flashes across my face. The vision of my future makes me happy every time I think about it. Do you have a vision for your future? If not, you should get one and asap.

I then have to remind myself of that’s where I really want to go, to that vision. Somewhere, I got off course. How did I get off course? I have to look at my plan and see what caused the unexpected result I got. Then, I have to course correct. I took a detour. The GPS gave me bad directions, or I was asleep when she told me to “turn right” at the next exit. I kept going straight. Do you have a plan? If not, you should get one and asap.

I then look at the amazing light bulb. I remember the story of the man credited with creating it, Thomas Edison. I read once that he tried and failed at it over 10,000 times! But, when asked about it, Mr. Edison said that he didn’t fail, he just found 10,000 ways not to do it! Wow! Now, people all over the world use his product. A truly great invention that may have never been created if he stopped at 9,999! How many stories of “triumph over adversity” do you know and remember? If you don’t know any, you should read and watch some and asap.

Most kids 9 years old and younger laugh and laugh and laugh. Everything is funny. It is said that kids laugh over 100 times a day. My girls are always laughing. They are always smiling, too. I smile when I see them smile. It makes me happy. When they are not around and I’m feeling a little “down,” I watch stand up comedy. I laugh for 30 minutes to an hour and I forget what was making me feel bad. There have been numerous studies done on the power of laughter to cure depression. Have you laughed lately? Cracked a smile while looking at yourself in mirror? Might I suggest this fun practice to you? Try to look at yourself in the mirror, smile and then laugh. Do it and see if you are depressed while doing it. You can’t be! Smile and laugh hard, asap.

I then re-focus. I get back to my vision and my plan for getting there. After all, I am the U-KAN man! I have the belief in myself. I Know what I really want. I have plAnned it out. And, I have made the commitment to myself that I will Never give up. I focus on something other than myself. Depression is always “me” centered. I have to get the focus off of me and onto something else. A project, a person, a cause, something other than “me.” Do you have a focus, a project, a person you love, a cause or something other than yourself that needs your help?

Again, depression is no joke. But, I believe and studies have shown that you can laugh your way to a happier you. You can “focus” your way to a more stable you. You can remember past successes, your own or other people’s successes. You can give of yourself to causes and projects. You can exercise, you can move. U-KAN beat depression!

Ok, so the country and the world is abuzz about what’s going on in the world of Herman Cain, Penn State, Joe Paterno and a former coach, Jerry Sandusky. Herman is doing what’s necessary to get people to believe that nothing happened with any of these women currently coming forward. I do not have enough information to go either way. I still happen to believe in innocent until proven guilty.

We are all familiar with the sentence, “Opinions are like Q@#$%!, everybody has one.” I know that when emotions run high, misinformation runs rampant. It’s like that game of telling someone at the beginning of the line a quick story. By the time that story gets to the end of the line, it’s not the same story. Therefore, until I get enough information to make an informed decision, I pause. 🙂

Now, with the Penn State story… that’s a little different. Well, that’s a lot different. I have two lovely children whom I cherish and adore. As a father, it is my job to teach them in the way that they should go. I am to protect them as best as I can. To do that, my children and I are in constant contact and conversation. We still eat together at night with no cell phones or tv. We talk. We discuss our days and talk about the wonders of 1st and 2nd grade. We talk about my day. We know each other well enough through this close contact to sense if something is wrong. Then, we can openly talk about it. One of my daughters was having issues with a bully at school. She was being nice about it, but it was starting to get to her. We talked about it. I had a discussion with her teacher and fortunately the situation got resolved. My daughter knows how to protect herself so the little boy is lucky she didn’t bloody his nose; that’s a discussion for another blog, lol!

But, in all seriousness I realize that many parents worry about what’s going on in their kids’ worlds. At the forefront of those worries right now, in large part due to the Penn State cover up (alleged…) is potential sexual abuse from someone. Are you strong enough to have this conversation with your children? Do you know the signs to look for?

According to Stop it Now! you should be on the lookout for:

-Nightmares or other sleep problems without an explanation
-Your child suddenly seems distracted or distant at odd times
-Their eating habits change or they suddenly refuse to eat
-Sudden mood swings: rage, fear, insecurity or withdrawal

Of course, there are also physical warning signs to look for, but they are rare. Bring your child to their doctor if there are physical signs. They can help you understand what may be happening and test for sexually transmitted diseases.

So, you suspect. You notice some of these signs. These signs can be related to a lot of things of course, but most of them are related to a problem of some sort going on in your child’s life. A discussion is definitely in order. Get involved. Be a parent. Talk to your children. Train them up right and protect them. It’s still the best job in the world.